


How to Save a Life

by saxophonesandcuesticks



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: And so is Bucky, BroT3 Sam/Clint/Steve, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard is a drunken abusive asshole. ok?, Implied Pepper/Natasha, M/M, Poor Tony, Sexy fun times will come later I swear, Steve has a short temper, Tony is a misunderstood baby, You just want to hug everyone in this fic ok?, angry/sad/depressed steve, implied Phil/Clint - Freeform, set post CATWS, spoilers for CATWS, tw: alcoholism, tw: depression, very angsty, will be added as story goes on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-05
Updated: 2014-05-14
Packaged: 2018-01-22 02:21:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1572560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saxophonesandcuesticks/pseuds/saxophonesandcuesticks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It took a toll on the Avengers to watch their leader crumble and shut everyone out emotionally, and physically. Natasha couldn't console him, she tried, and in fact, none of the Avengers could, and most never knew what happened. Clint and Sam sadly watched their Best Birdy Bro (He was the ‘eagle’ of the group.) crumble to pieces. Tony sorrowfully watched his lover build up armor against the world, hiding that once easy-going personality. Thor would ask in his Shakespearean way what was wrong, but Steve stayed silent, shrugged him off and cast his eyes and face toward the ground once more like he always did nowadays. Hell, Coulson was worried about him, so was Pepper, and even Rhodey cared.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>In which Steve has found out that Bucky is alive, but has no idea who he used to be, or who Steve is. And it's a tougher blow to the heart than watching Peggy Carter die. This new information causes Steve to close up his heart and shut everyone out, including his lover Tony, altogether.</p><p>Tittle taken from: How to Save a Life by The Fray</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The cry of a broken heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick edit. Please bear with me as I will always find something wrong with anything I write, or I'll add more detail. uvu

Rain fell in sheets outside the dimly lit bedroom windows, thunder crashed, and lightning danced it’s white, spindly fingers across the dark black, starless sky. Steve watched blankly as the weather coincidentally played out his emotions that swirled and howled like the wind outside. But right now, he wasn't thinking of the weather. No, he was thinking of the man that he’d thought had died. His best friend and war comrade, James Buchanan Barnes was indeed alive in the flesh. But mentally, and emotionally? Ha, that’s where he died. He was no longer the fun-loving, easy-going Bucky Barnes Steve once knew, and it crushed his heart, shattering it into a thousand pieces like a broken china plate. This, this was a worse blow than watching Peggy Carter die in his arms. And it caused the Captain to not sleep, nor eat, to just hide in a dark room with a bottle of whiskey, the burn of the alcohol that he practically letting him feel something other than the soul-wrenching pain deep in his soul. He’d been told that the serum protected him from physical ailments, but no one said that it could stop mental ones.

It took a toll on the Avengers to watch their leader crumble and shut everyone out emotionally, and physically. Natasha couldn't console him, she tried, and in fact, none of the Avengers could, and most never knew what happened. Clint and Sam sadly watched their Best Birdy Bro (He was the ‘eagle’ of the group.) crumble to pieces. Tony sorrowfully watched his lover build up armor against the world, hiding that once easy-going personality. Thor would ask in his Shakespearean way what was wrong, but Steve stayed silent, shrugged him off and cast his eyes and face toward the ground once more like he always did nowadays. Hell, Coulson was worried about him, so was Pepper, and even  Rhodey  cared. The team would also stop by his room to bring him food to try and get him to eat, and hear his soul-wrenching, heart-breaking sobs of pain and loss from behind the door, and they’d just turn around and walk away, not knowing what to do. Natasha would shed silent tears in sympathy, she knew what it was like to loose someone mentally, that happened with her best friend Clint when Loki attacked. But the difference? She at least got him back. The captain was not as lucky as she was. He had agreed to brief Natasha, and only her once he came to after falling out of the plane. And she actually didn't give him pity that he didn't want, she gave him the sympathy and empathy that he needed.

Later that night, around dinner time, Steve came out, but it was only to get another bottle of whiskey. But contrary to his plan however, he sat at the large dinner table anyways. He wasn't drunk. That was one thing he couldn't become. But what the rest of the team saw was beyond startling. Steve had the beginnings of a beard, his face was thin and gaunt, his usually muscular body was too thin, those beautiful baby blue eyes that had a gorgeous luster were now dull and lifeless. He had dark circles under his eyes and his eyes were red and puffy from his constant sobs from the bone-deep ache of grief. And he wasn't showering regularly, just only before he came out. He didn't reek of body odor, but the stench of alcohol clung to him like a second skin. He sat at the dinner table with his head hung sadly. “Well,” said Clint with a sneer, breaking the thick, almost tangible silence, “Look who  FINALLY  decided to show up.” he added bitterly. “Clint, now is not the time." Natasha said in a loud, firm whisper. “No Nat, now is the perfect time. I want to know why The Giant  Capsicle ’ came to join us now of all times. It’s been over three and a half months since that damn battle. Why can’t he get over falling out of that fucking plane  alr -” Clint stopped his grievances short because  he noticed that the Captain had stood and  now loo ming  menacingly over the table and a ‘I’m going to fucking kill you’ stare on his face and it was looking right at the archer, whom of which gulped fearfully. “You want to know why I can’t get over it already? You really want  to know?” Steve asked in an eerily calm voice, like the calm before a natural disaster. “I found out that my best friend didn't die when he fell off that train. I found out that he survived and became Hydra’s Golden retriever. I found out that he didn't fucking remember me! Do you know what that’s like Clint?” he paused and looked upon Clint’s face of horrified embarrassment with an angry sneer, “No? I didn't fucking think so. You only know what it’s like to lose your head to someone else. You haven’t known what it’s like to think your best friend is dead only to find out seventy-two years later to find out: ‘Surprise! Your best friend isn't dead! He’s the trained puppy of an organization that you hate the most! Oh, and to make that shocking news even better, he doesn't remember anything about you!!!!!’” The soldier stopped shouting to pant harshly and to take in everyone’s shocked faces, “What?” he asked in a growl. Tony stood slowly, as if he were dealing with a caged animal, hands raised in surrender to show that he was unarmed, “Steve, baby please sit down. You’re breaking the table.” he said calmly, but Steve took note of the plead within the words and the shaking of Tony’s voice. The angry look on Steve’s face fell and his eyes widened, and he started backing up in realization, “I-I’m sorry...I-I  gotta  go....” Steve stammered apologetically, then he turned around bolted off into the storm with nothing but a hoodie, track pants, and a thin white t-shirt. Before the door slammed, Tony distinctly heard Steve let loose a single, heart-breaking sob, and the Billionaire felt a few stray tears fall down his face at the sheer emotion put behind that one little sound. Tony soon thought of a plan. He needed Steve, and he was going to go find him. No matter what. Because he couldn't live without his closest friend and lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, me again, just letting you know that I am open to any feed back, whether it's reader editing, plot ideas, things you want me to do. Just leave a comment, or message me any ideas you might have.
> 
> -Love, Tree


	2. Almost blue (Tony's pov)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally updated! Sorry about taking so long loves. unu  
> -Trista

The cold rain pounded into Steve’s skin like little icy tendrils as he ran down the streets of Manhattan, bringing back unwanted memories, but yet clearing his head at the same time.  He was so caught up in running that he didn’t notice how soaked he was, or the fact that he was about to be hit by a speeding drunk driver that was somehow managing to drive a Chevy Escalade on the sidewalk just behind him. Steve briefly stopped, whipped his head around, and the last thing he saw was the driver shouting at him in a heavily slurred tone of voice, “Get out of the road you fuckin fuckface!” before the car slammed into him, rendering him unconscious, crushed a few bones in his legs, broke five ribs, and the driver, attempting to speed off, drug Steve at least ten and a half feet which scraped the soldier’s skin heavily, almost down to the muscle, and the hair off the back of his head. The driver was stopped by cops that had been called by a good samaritan , and an ambulance came for Steve. To the EMT’s dismay, it took the help of some spare cops and some strong people from outside the wall of cops keeping the public back to lift the Captain into the truck.

Meanwhile, the rest of the team watched the chase with pure horror and silence as their Leader got hit. Jarvis played the broadcast for Tony, who hadn’t even left the tower yet and before he knew it, he was bawling his chocolate brown eyes out. He was crying. Crying for Steve and the mere possibility that he might not make it. Sobbing for the love he could very well lose at any given moment. Meanwhile, downstairs, Natasha was trying hard to repress her silent tears, but ultimately, she was failing miserably. Sam was crying for the possibility of a lost friendship with  his buddy who could very well lose the fight for his life. Clint was sobbing from the regret of saying the things that ultimately pushed Steve into bolting out of the Tower.

-:-:-:-:-:-

Almost a week later, Tony sat in that bleak hospital room, and listened to the monitors chiming their orchestra proving Steve was alright, but physically dormant. Tony watched the lifeless form of his lover with dull, depressed eyes. But Tony’s mind was not completely there. Tony was mentally back with Howard when he himself was around age ten:

_Tony looked at the ground where the huge wolf hound lay, and he couldn't stop the silent tears that slipped down his cheeks at the bloody corpse. “Tony!” Howard’s drunken voice rang loudly and angrily at the little boy, “Quit sobbing like a little bitch and get your ass back in that damn house, now!” That was a command which Tony obeyed fearfully, for fear of getting his behind beaten with the wooden paddle (Which was a long two-by-four). The little boy scurried into the house as fast as he could. But...”Tony you little brat! You took to fucking long. Do I need to go get the Paddle?” he shouted with a tone inducing the deep-set fear for his father to come alive once more, “N-No Sir.” Tony replied as straight as he could, but his tone still came out broken and cracked. Howard still came into the living room not with the Paddle, but with his belt. The little boy put his hands obediently on the edge of the coffee table, which effectively stuck his ass out, and the older Stark began waylaying into his son’s ass, beating him into submission once more._

__

“Tony.” the name was called by such a raspy voice that it startled Tony out of his trance and he looked up to see, “Steve! Y-You’re awake!” he exclaimed warmly, sounding more relieved than anything.

“Hey baby.” Steve replied coolly, but his voice was thick, and raspy from not drinking any fluids for almost a week. But Tony got up, despite his slightly protesting joints, and got his lover a drink of water from the little pitcher. The super soldier tried sitting up, but Tony swooped in and raised the head of the bead instead. “No, no. Don’t sit up. I got it.” he replied gently as he did so. Then the billionaire climbed into the bed and gently into his lover’s arms, “Please, please don’t do anything like that ever again. Ok baby?” he sobbed out quietly. Steve just tenderly kissed the top of that brilliant mind with dry and chapped lips, “I promise I won’t. I don’t know what came over me. But can you forgive me baby?” Tony nodded his head against that familiar chest, “Y-Yes.” he hummed happily before continuing to nuzzle that firm, even if thin chest lovingly.

The day passed, and the two were content on kissing, nuzzling and talking their time away. Even when the nurses and occasional doctor came to visit. Tony filled the Soldier in on what happened while Steve was out. And to Steve, the fact that Tony had been here in his hospital room for seven days straight spoke volumes to him about how much Tony loved him. He had a deep question pressing on his mind, but he decided to leave it be for right now in favor of snuggling with tony happily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the length of this chapter. And if anything doesn't 'flow right' per say, please leave a comment to let me know! Thanks, and much love,  
> -Trista
> 
> PS: I'm thinking of making this an Omegaverse Au. Any comments or suggestions?


End file.
